splendor in buenos aires for LEL

girlontape has been trying to fathom the art of the histeriqueo aka the argie mating dance. Here's how a friend once described it:

-If you LIKE the guy, you must never let the word YES cross your lips.
-Does anyone ever actually get laid by doing that?
-All the time. You just never verbally agree to it.
-How about in the sack...are you allowed to moan yesyesyes in a moment of passion?
-In bed anything goes, but it becomes meaningless as soon as you re-enter real life.
-Is there ever a point where it's ok to play it straight?
-Hmmm...not really. Unless you're like, married to the guy or something. And even then...it's dicey.

Being a proud psychobitch just like sinead, girlontape at first rashly dismissed these orwellian instructions for they smacked of female obeisance to quaint virgin-whore dichotomies and let's face it: we all know nice girls are doomed to a lifetime of boring sex.

To our heroine, manipulating a man into bed was akin to hiding behind a tit job, faking an orgasm, not knowing where your g-spot is, letting your mother give you shit about your hairstyle: so splendor in the grass...so last century...and no way was girlontape gonna end up like deanie. After all she had her dancing feet, some cute dresses and a rock 'n roll heart, which in her book are more than enough for any self-respecting, hot-blooded psychobitch to earn her share of good clean american fun, as her friend george puts it.

Imagine her puzzlement, then, as the better the chemistry, the faster her dashing suitors would flip out for no apparent reason. Can't we all just get along? was our heroine's constant inner cry as, time and again, her freedom-loving spirit was met with bizarre temperamental outbursts, uncalled-for promises, demands & declarations, unnecessary macho posturing & petty lies, histrionic recriminations and all manner of below the belt punches.

The name of the game, it seemed, was dirty pool...unless you played the histeriqueo card: no sooner did girlontape apply this retro notion, than scores of perfectly charming, good-willed, mentally healthy, incredibly hot tattoed boytoys with rock 'n roll hearts showed up on her doorstep. Oh bud....bud...I'm not a nice girl! I'm not a nice girl! our heroine chanted inwardly as, flipping her hair and feigning indifference, she stepped into the latest candidate's super sexy muscle car and let him manfully drive her into the sunset.

ps. picture of my four-footed baby for you, LEL.

23 comments:

Lindsey said...

I love all of it! You are such a wordsmith and great writer. Thanks for the pic! He's adorable!

girlontape said...

the only real man around here has four paws LEL...that's the sad truth...
ps. SO much easier to write when it's for a deserving public :)

Mariana Soffer said...

I prefer histeriqueo than obscenity. as JB will say about obsenity:
"Obscenity begins when there is no more spectacle, no more stage, no more theater, no more illusion, when every-thing becomes immediately transparent, visible, exposed in the raw and inexorable light of of information and communication. Simultaneously the subject has a need to speak and nothing to say -- to affirm his/her existence in the face of the disappearance of the subject and the hypervisibility of the obscene object: The need to speak, even if one has nothing to say, becomes more pressing when one has nothing to say, just as the will to live becomes more urgent when life has lost its meaning."

Histeriqueo, or seduction are more refined; they are a game that can be enjoyable to play.
I do not know what is the exact difference between histeriqueo an seduction, besides that seduction sounds nicer. can anyway tell me?

Traveler said...

El histeriqueo es un tonto juego narcicista, borderline masoquista, una brutal perdida de tiempo. Es comprar un helado y disfrutar viendo como se derrite a la vista de los demas. Es el juego de los Mr and Mrs "Ensimismiths", sin verdad ni consecuencias. Esta red no atrapa otra cosa que algun neurotico.
La seduccion es primitiva, salvaje y atemporal, es romance y sexo. Es para animales que saben que no hay tiempo que perder.
Ese cachorro negro bonito lo debe saber mejor que cualquiera.

girlontape said...

histeriqueo = disfuncion
seducción = sexy
that's about it marian....creo yo.

Mariana Soffer said...

Si stef, creo que es como vos decis, pero muchas veces distinguir entre ambas se me hace imposible.
Beso

girlontape said...

jajaj en eso estamos marian! me parece que acá hay mucho histeriqueo y poca seducción, ufa

Mariana Soffer said...

Jua, si, es tremendo la gente esta fatal. Pero te digo que por ejemplo los nerds no son histericos, lo cual es fantastico.

girlontape said...

q suerte para los nerds, son argentinos? jajaj

Mariana Soffer said...

Si. Viste que la gente hace cualquier tipo de cosa con tal de tener sexo, bueno vos te podes convertir en nerd, yo te ayudo con los primeros pasos.

girlontape said...

interesante tu propuesta soffer... pasa q dsps me tocaria coger con nerds, lo cual es imposible...

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Simpática y puntual said...

qué buena distinción entre seducción e histeriqueo.
demasiado histeriqueo torra. lástima que acá no rankea ser chica y encarar.

girlontape said...

no SyP
no rankea
so boringgggg

Ferdinand said...

sí rankea, sure, quién dijo que no. pero obviamente depende de a quién. no generalicen tanto che

Simpática y puntual said...

verrryyy boring...

girlontape said...

jajaja Fer
hacete mujer x un día dsps nos contas como te fue

Fer said...

si me hiciera mujer me encararía a mí mismo... cómo hago?

girlontape said...

yo me encaro a mi misma all the time, la paso bomba

Fer said...

otra: encarar a alguien para qué? para one night bed. nooooo. si una mujer encara tiene que ser para algo un poco más digno. lo demás es cosa de pobres hombres.

girlontape said...

ves? acabas de comprobar mi generalización fer

Mariana Soffer said...

Me encanto la frase:"yo me encaro a
mi misma all the time, la paso bomba"

Me gustaria saber:
-Como rompo el hielo conmigo misma?
-Como no me angustio cuando me rechazo?
-Como se que es el momento de dejar de hablarme asi no pienso que soy una pesada?
-Como hago para terminar la cita si me doy cuenta de que soy una boluda?
-Que hago si no me gusta mi piel y ya estoy en mi casa conmigo tomando champania y con velas prendidas?

girlontape said...

jajajjjajaj mariana
sos una columna de sex in the city autoreferencial!